literature

Solar East - Chapter Two (1)

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Literature Text

I meet up with Lexi under the safeguard of the midnight's smothered, smoky moon. Even in the dimming lights of the techno-crazed city, her emerald eyes still dazzle with a fierce intensity. Her hair is a golden blonde, cascading into pearly waterfall to the small of her back. We take each other's appearances in without a word, and walk into a tightly-wedged alley just as we've done so many times before.


South Alincourte features some of the most prodigious machinery and materials the world has to offer. The advancement of the technology has shown no sign of stopping, and even other areas around the world are influenced by the materials here. Neon lights stud the streetlamps and the streets are lined with smooth, glistening chromium. The gleaming buildings kiss the sky with their peaks. In the day, it's a bustling area with a festive feel. At night, the glowing pulses dim, but never sleep. I could go in much more detail, but I won't spoil anymore in case you'd like to visit the place someday.


Buried this deep in a grave of synthetic objects, the stars refuse to shine.


A scream rips through the darkness and I peek out of the comfort zone of the alley. As expected, a fiery inferno is melting into the street. With limbs extended to the heavens, a young man is slowly simmering into the liquefying steel. He appears to be aged between 20 and 30, and his shock of quiffed blonde hair seems to have been electrified, extending in different directions. Waves of heat bellow through the alley, and yet I shiver.


“That’s him,” Lexi whispers. “Demon number one.” I grimace in response, and prepare to make my move.


Here’s the part where I explain how exactly I am different.


I focus on the liquid metal that butterflies into ripples around the possessed. With a quick hand gesture, it slowly begins to reform into solidity. Stinging drops of sweat drip into my eyes, temporarily obscuring my vision. No. It shouldn't be this difficult. It must be the synthetic aura this place radiates.


I somehow manage to bring the chromium into thin yet sturdy strands, and begin to entwine them onto the man’s limbs. His screaming doesn't die down. I supposed it wouldn't, being in contact with burning metal and all.


Lexi chortles. “A man’s screaming in pain can’t wake up the city, but a short power outage causes nationwide news. Obviously.”


She’s right. South Alincourte's become too reliant on technology. A citizen wouldn't even need to step a foot out of his/her house to pick up the week’s groceries; rather, there’s an instant-ship online catalog customized to the user’s preference. I saw a rotund man order around three tubs of cheesesteak once. There’s not much time for laughs, though.


Lexi doesn't prefer using any powers; rather, she likes using state-of-the-art demon slaying weaponry. She says using powers strains her too much, and I can finally see what she’s been saying for six years. In the time we've known each other, Lexi’s used a high-standard rifle, both a flimsy wood and metal bow and arrows, a lance, a double-edged sword, a halberd, and even shurikens imported from Sau. On this particular night, she’s equipped with a razor-edged machete. The blade glints wickedly in the swimming lights, and she grasps the handle with intense ferocity. Her vicious gaze could be compared to that of a lioness.


Lexi must see me staring, because she jokingly pretends to slit her throat with the weapon. It gets too close to her actual throat than I’d like. “Malcolm, you need to start talking. What’s up with you?”


“Nothing,” I speak through gritted teeth. I can’t really talk and subdue a possessed person at once. It’s quite a challenge to multitask.


Lexi rolls her eyes. “You know, Lady Death told me about your attitude toward her. You ought to be more grateful. She saved your life once, after all. With that nasty personality, it’s a wonder how you have friends.”


My bonds on the demonized man break, and I turn on her angrily. “You should be talking. She saved you too. Does eternal service to the grim reaper sound particularly appealing to you?”


Her eyes bulge. “Yeah, she saved me. And at least I pay my respects to her, not like you. I don’t particularly like demon slaying, but what can we do about it? Complain? Call me back when you learn to be glad with what you have instead of being an arrogant teenager.”


I throw my hands in the air. “Like I give a damn about this. The whole lot of us can die for all I care.”


Lexi laughs sardonically. “And then, you get to spend time with the great Lady 24/7! Isn't that great!”


Before I can reply, I see a fireball streak into the dusk. In the midst of our arguing, we had left the possessed man unguarded. As if that wasn't bad enough, the two of us witness the arrivals of the other two demons. Fire blooms around our street now. A lamp melts in the wake of the inferno. If it weren't for Death’s protection around us, we’d be dead. The idea is so morbidly funny, a laugh escapes my throat before I can stifle it. Lexi glances at me, startled.


“I think the heat’s getting to you, Malcolm,” she decides. “I never hear you laugh otherwise.” And she preps her machete for battle just as the demons hurtle toward us.

Part one of two (in chapter two!) I promised you guys this would be longer. And this is just the first part. :eyes:

Chapter One (Also chosen as a DLD!)
[Chapter Two - Part II should be coming along shortly.]

Quick Critique, anyone? :la: Thank you.
1.) Is the spacing bothering you? I couldn't get sta.sh to fix it up.
2.) How do you feel the relationship/dynamic between Lexi and Malcolm is portrayed?
3.) Is Lexi too similar to Lady Death? There's much more to her character.
4.) Is there enough description (of characters, the city, demons, etc.)
5.) Overall opinion of the piece?
© 2014 - 2024 Aerode
Comments18
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Gingersanps's avatar
I got the time to read through this, Aerode. I absolutely love it first and foremost. It makes me want to read the next part of chapter two soon. Though, it makes me curious, why'd you separate chapter two? Was there a reason for it? It's nothing bad --  not even close. I'm a curious person by nature, and it makes me curious. Though, before I answer your questions, I thought I'd point some things out that I shall suggest to you, if that is okay with you. Of course, as you know, you don't particularly have to listen to the advice ... I thought I'd point them out. 

"The idea of this is so morbidly funny, a laugh escapes my throat before I can stifle it." 

The idea was stated in the sentence before this one. I don't think 'of this' is needed. It could be read as "The idea is so morbidly funny, a laugh escapes my throat before I can stifle it." It's one thing that I picked up when I was reading and rereading through this chapter of your story. I hope its something helpful for you. :) It was the only thing I caught while reading the chapter. Everything else flows through smoothly, and I didn't catch grammar or spelling mistakes. 

Now, on to your questions! 

1.) The spacing bothered me at the beginning, but my eyes adjusted to it. No worries, deary. The spacing is perfectly fine at the moment. 
2.) The relationship/dynamic between Lexi and Malcolm is amusing. Though, I've only seen their dynamic through this part of the chapter (and story), so I can't really give a better answer. But, at the moment, their banter was amazing. Keep up the great work! 
3.) I can't really say for sure. If she was too similar to Lady Death, then I'd chalk it up to the fact that this is the very beginning of Lexi's entrance. She seems like a strong character, and depending on the type of story, a lot of people are going to seem the same at first. 
4.) I do believe that you put enough description into the story, but I believe that there is room for more. I saw the city when I read the paragraph describing it, which was nice, but I'm not sure how to explain my feelings on description. But, yeah, I feel there is some room for more. 
5.) My overall opinion of the piece A+. Your story telling is amazing, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading through it. I love everything about it at the moment, and it has me hooked. If you have your readers hooked, you're golden, Aerode. I do hope to read the second part of Chapter Two soon. You don't have to feel rushed though. I'm a patience person. 

I'm sorry this message is so long. I hadn't meant to go this long since you asked for a quick critique. I'm sorry for the wall of text. Forgive me. :'D