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Literature Text
i can envision time fluxing backwards:
words snuffed, swallowing dreams,
choking on the catatonic fear that
you just might love someone a bit
more than you love me.
maybe if i destroy those damned
stars, you won't have anything
else to write about.
Literature
I misspelled our love, and that's where we went...
I always thought I was a sparrow, nesting in tomorrows like the moon would drop from her orbit and gift me firmer ribs. I thought men and love would fall from dimples and roses, but I found out they drop much like you: unceremoniously and jumbled. They break wings… and god, the sound… but I guess they sing as they work, and that’s got to be well-meant.
So I fondled November like it fondled me, caught it early in the middle of snow angels and hayrides so it could feel the unexpected earthquake of ‘molested’. The world strung me from those letters, giving the past not only a face, but a name, as it bent grav
Literature
don't look back - oh.
before the
before, face it,
there were faces indelible,
the viscosity of
tar in his voice...
tar on his coarse fingers;
like everywhere
in everything
there was the sacred drunkard illuminating
a way...
when i hid by the bucket and
nettle brushed my shoulder, the poison
was slow;
(in reality, he
ran his cows over with a tractor and there
the sacredness should have ended;
didn't;
before the before there was gnarled bark
off unidentified trees
whispering by the river,
rough to the touch
i would spread out my fingers
fascinated by the splinters
now it is morning and i re
Literature
you were always like a tidal wave
I crave your hands in absurd amounts.
Amounts that bruise and scar,
amounts that leave me gasping for breath
only to be spent begging you for more.
Suggested Collections
Enjoy!
Inspired by SpiralingSpontaneity 's piece here:
cualacinocacophony personified,
i echo fractiously
in my own heart
and never in those
of my mellifluous
counterparts.
you walk to a steady beat
that i am unable to follow;
clashing cymbals
and crashing symbols
call me back
to the fractal disarray
of my mind.
quicksilver lightning
glints in my eyes
like a falling star,
inching ever closer to me-
an unraveling scintilla,
a murmurous roar
that beckons
my labyrinthine thoughts
eternal.
i may soon be swiped away
by the cruel hands of luminescence
and the steady ticking on
of time,
but my mind is plagued
with the thought
that you will just as soon
forget me.
Critique Questions:
1.) Is there anything you'd change?
2.) Favorite/least favorite line?
3.) Overall opinion of the piece?
Critique questions stolen from AyeAye12 again.
© 2014 - 2024 Aerode
Comments25
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Overall
Vision
Originality
Technique
Impact
First of all, you are under arrest for stealing! D:<
But seriously, I'm flattered :3
1) It's a very terse piece. I dunno if I would want to change that, though, because what you have there is elegantly punchy. That is a thing.
2. That last stanza is very OhSnapHeDidNotish, so I would say that one for favourite line. :3
Least favourite would be "you just might love someone a bit / more than i" not necessarily because it is bad, but more because its less bright compared to the rest of the poem. There's always a line like that, so I can;t really say you can do much to change that.
3. A very awesome, punchy poem, short. The title doesn't really fit with the text itself, though, even though the title is ingenious. Stars and things like that are often considered cliche here, but you weave it into something original and brilliant <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/r/r…" width="15" height="15" alt="" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="397" title=" (Razz)"/>